i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
