Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
