if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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