tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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