well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
