Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Couch. On fire.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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