No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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