Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
