im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
