Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize