god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
This house was built for laser tag.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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