I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
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