I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
