this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
