There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
