I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
