did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
