Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My vagina just recognized that song.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
