Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
