I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
