I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
