i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
