i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
