Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
