I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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