he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The Olympian is in my bed
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
