she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
