his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
