so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
