does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
