New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
