Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize