just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
