we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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