you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
