Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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