There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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