There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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