i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
