onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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