she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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