he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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