Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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