So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
