it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Your tits are I can't wait for
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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