She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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