Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize