farters have to be the big spoon...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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