ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I stole a fireplace last night.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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