My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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