He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
