I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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