the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
