4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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