What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
