i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize