Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
