Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
