i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
