I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
