Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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