shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
