just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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