My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
