i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
